I decided to stay alone in a very quiet place
to be able to meditate and to evaluate my actual performance using my personal
targets, as this year is comes to an end.
I took the
small note pad I wrote my goals for the year on the 1st of January,
2014, I started marking them one by one to know how well I have done, based on the
targets I gave myself. Well, after marking, I got 60%, I gave myself this mark
because some of the goals were met even beyond my expectation while some were
not met at all (beyond human control), and some others can only be measured on
a long term bases (to be realistic). That’s me grading myself, I may be wrong
if you give me a grade.
In previous
years, I usually don’t take the setting of targets and self evaluation serious,
I just say my new year resolutions with my mouth and never write anything down,
I didn’t follow the rule of “make the vision plain upon the table” so of course
I couldn’t run with the vision. Back then, I can use my mouth to say a lot of things
I want to achieve each year that passes by (most of them unrealistic), I will use
my mouth to give the target, give the strategy but never follow through with
actions.
I can
remember specifically in 2012 and 2013, I felt very
bad on the 31st
of December night in these two years because I had no reasonable excuse to end
those years empty. I was shouting happy New Year at about 12 mid night but a
part of me was telling me, you need to fix yourself and fill the vacuum. I
guess the change in 2014 started from the pain I felt from ending those years
empty like that. Thank God I felt bad and not just say, “abeg I tried jare, I
can’t kill myself” like I used to say in the later years so that I can feel
relieved from self blame.
This time
around I wrote down my goals, guess what, I wrote some of the unrealistic goals
too, but I cancelled them as I read through all the goals again and again (not
excuse for laziness, they were very unrealistic, they were distractions). I
believe writing them was a great move, hence the consciousness that followed
naturally, because I could always go back to look at them and see if I am
making progress or not.
The things
that helped me this time around are:
- Self discipline, I became very conscious of some habits that use to rob me of achieving my goals and decided to drop them.
- Constant check, I was always conscious of my goals and check from time to time if I’m on track.
- I fought with distractions, I’m naturally easily distracted but I made it a point of duty to stay focused.
- I encouraged myself with everything I could use by praying, listening to inspiring programs on radio and TV, reading books that can help me and so on.
To me, this is just the beginning, so this evaluation is just
for this year, but I will uphold everything that helped me this year, learn new
ones and practice more.
GOD HELP ME
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